I skipped work to stalk him.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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