so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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