I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
