a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
