??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
