Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
