Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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