I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
