we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
