Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
