so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
