So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
