My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
