I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
