Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
