I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
