you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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