Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This is my gift to your gina
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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