in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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