apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
