So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
