he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
