Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
