thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
