he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
