I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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