4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
