Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
