I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
