put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
