omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
