he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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