This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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