Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
