Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
