If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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