If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
