the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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