absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
