Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
