You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
