So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
