Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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