Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
