you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
