We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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