Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
