Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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