you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
