Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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