mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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