and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
