Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
